hotchef

my life

2006-11-26T00:27:04Z

if my life were a sit-com, i would want to play a character with the same first name as my "real-life" name just like Tony Danza does.

the crocodile hunter is dead

2006-09-04T15:28:30Z

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20060904/en_afp/australiapeopleirwinwildlife_060904125808

i am a junior fat guy in training

2006-04-25T03:19:54Z

i walked past this awesome cigar store in town when i was picking up my Indian take-out dinner tonight. inside were all these fat guys sitting around what looked like a living room set-up watching t.v., smoking cigars and eating food from the pizza place.

it was warm today and the odor wafting out of the open door was cigar smoke and greasy, fatty foods.

the name of the store was like "Monster cigar store" or something like that.

it looked so warm and inviting inside, i haven't smoked a cigar in years.

fear nature pt IIII

2006-02-19T05:42:53Z

so, i am trying to get out of bed Friday morning and i hear the cats playing with something under the bed.
but i don't hear any crying or squeaking and they were chasing the June bugs (Halloween bugs)around the apartment the night before so i didn't think anything of it. i keep hitting the snooze button and i finally drag my ass out of bed like thirty minutes later and then i go to the bathroom to do my dirty, sinful business. so, when i come back i went to look at what miss Cali was playing with and i pull back the comforter at the foot of the bed and underneath where she is sitting is a brown bat about the size of my fist. it was flopping around on the floor and trying to get away. i had to separate the two of them and scoop it up in a box. it hissed at me once before i got it in the box and it was pretty terrifying for being so small. i put it outside on the porch and it kind of just flopped away. remarkably, i think both of them escaped the encounter relatively unscathed. i have no idea how it got in the apartment but the lady upstairs told me when i first moved in that she had one in her apartment once.

when i told my mummified landlady about it her response was, "you can't kill them, ya know?!? they're an en-dan-ger-ed species or something..." when she said the word "endangered" she came off like she had just seen the word somewhere recently and was trying it out for the first time. i strongly suspect that this was just her way of telling me that she was pleased that i had told her about the situation but that she was firmly set against doing anything about it.

...maybe it was roast beef

2006-01-31T05:22:48Z

i got a loaner replacement t.v. tonight from a friend just in time to watch Rollergirls. it's like a third generation hand-me-down from an old room-mate of mine. it seems to work pretty well but it smells faintly of b.o. or maybe like someone lost a ham sandwich in it and never went throught the trouble to fish it out.

dude, you're getting a Dell

2005-11-10T05:00:41Z

i'm back on-line.

fear nature pt III

2005-09-01T02:14:42Z

the first day on my new job yesterday and i was late because there was a major accident. apparently there was livestock running free all over the turnpike. on the radio they said there were goats but with each telling of the story that i overheard through-out the day it escalated until there were goats, pigs, and sheep.

i was a little disappointed because after being stuck in traffic for so long, i didn't get to see a damn thing.

hotchef @ 2005-08-30T00:22:00

2005-08-30T04:27:13Z

well, i start another new job tomorrow, today, this morning, whatever time it is...

i always do this to myself, i don't feel like sleep yet and i have to get up early. and i finished my book last night and i had to take the other one back to the library today.

ergh.

fear nature pt II

2005-08-30T00:13:29Z

... so my car has been acting funny for the last couple of days, it felt like it was running to fast and losing pick-up. today it started making some kind of scraping noise and i thought i felt something skipping underneath. i took it to my mechanic today and he said that it was skipping the low gears. he looked under the hood and found that some wires that go to the transmission were worn or chewed through. he said it looked like they were chewed through more than likely and that it wasn't all that uncommon. he said that sometimes squirrels or mice or chipmunks go up into your engine sometimes and just chew the wires for some reason.

damn varmints!

hotchef @ 2005-08-06T01:20:00

2005-08-06T05:21:46Z

i am so drunk right now, i have to try to go to sleep...

i am going to be so tired tomorrow

2005-08-04T04:07:52Z

at this point, i don't really care if i ever meet someone, life is unpleasant enough without having to listen to someone else bitch about their shitty life.

clean bill of health

2005-07-21T21:14:35Z

well almost, ... everything checked out fine today and the tests went off without a hitch, it was the old bad arteries that they were seeing i guess, no new problems and the bypass arteries look fine. i also have a colagen plug in my leg now to plug up the hole that they made and i'm supposed to be on light duty for the next week so the doctor said i couldn't go back to work until Thursday.

i heard a joke today...

2005-07-17T19:24:56Z

the turtles had decided to have a picnic, so they packed up some sandwiches and they set out. it took them ten days to get to the picnic grounds. when they got there and had unpacked everything, they realized that they had forgotten to pack the bottle opener.

the biggest turtle said, "someone should go back and get it" so, it was decided to send the littlest turtle.

"i don't want to go. if i go, the rest of you will just eat all of the sandwiches while i'm gone", said the littlest turtle.

"we promise not to eat the sandwiches until you get back", said the biggest turtle.

so, the littlest turtle set out on his journey. ten days went by and there had been no sign of his return. twenty days went by and there was still no sign of him. all of the turles were very hungry and very grumpy by this point.

"well, we have waited long enough, i think we should start eating some of the sandwiches", the biggest turtle said. so, they all gathered round and they each took a bite of the sandwiches.

"see!", said the littlest turtle, jumping out from behind a rock, "i told you that this was what was going to happen if i went!"

hotchef @ 2005-06-26T01:51:00

2005-06-26T05:52:15Z

i love it when the bathroom is clean...

hotchef @ 2005-06-17T23:26:00

2005-06-18T03:36:12Z

the other day at work (i can't remember if it was Wednesday or Thursday) i just missed a call on my office phone as i was walking back in, when i checked the number it wasn't one that i recognized and when i rang it back it said that the number wasn't one that was in service.

tonight at around 7 o'clock i missed a call on my cell phone and about an hour later when i checked the number it wasn't one that i recognized and when i rang it back it said that it had been disconnected (not temporarily disconnected but disconnected)

nothing on television

2005-05-27T21:47:54Z

random thought: i know how they can settle this whole American Idol thing, a foot race.

while checking the cable guide for something to watch, i saw that there was a sequel to Left Behind (a mini-series about the Rapture that starred Kirk Cameron) how is that possible?

i am sad because Deadwood is in re-runs already and this is the last season of Six Feet Under.

my life is so full...

hotchef @ 2005-04-24T11:10:00

2005-04-24T15:28:07Z

i have been meaning to update all week but i just got over a migraine that lasted for two days and i can't look at the monitor screen for too long.

i went to New York City last Saturday with some friends from my old job, it was a nice break from all the drudgery. Toy Tokyo is my new favorite store: http://www.toytokyo.com/ , and also: www.obscuraantiques.com
i think there is an Edward Gorey shop in the city but we didn't make it there.

NYC has the best bums, this one bum said "Happy Birthday" to John as he walked by and it was his birthday just the day before.
the best number one bum was this guy who had four shopping carts loaded up with stuff (including, no lie, a kitchen sink) and was moving one cart up the street and then going back for another one. we saw him several times throughout the course of the day as we criss-crossed the island.
i saw another two crusty old bums squeezed together on this bench in Union Square and the one turned to the other and said "why did you say that i need a shave?!?" and the other one turned to him and said "i SAID that you need a SHAVE!!!" needless to say, both of these bums could have used a serious sand-blasting.
this other bum came at us all like Twelve Monkeys-style and started shouting and pointing at us or someone on the street, "I KNOW YOU!!! I SEE YOU FOLLOWING BLACK PEOPLE AROUND MY NEIGHBORHOOD!!! YOU ARE FROM DOWN SOUTH!!!..." and then said, "I don't know you, i have never seen you before..."

the new digs

2005-03-29T03:53:20Z

well, it's been a little over a week in the new apartment and here are a few of the things that i have noticed about it:

1) the house makes funny noises at night.
2) i hate radiator heat.
3) there is a radiator spaced evenly every three feet in the apartment.
4) the house is infested with those fast-moving itchy-looking centipedes (i am a big girl when it comes to those things)
5) it is to a party house.
6) the radiator in the bathroom is so close to the toilet that i have to sit side-ways almost.
7) there are several medium-sized repairs that need to be done.
8) i suspect there is something hidden under the loose floor boards.
9) the separate hot and cold faucets in the bathroom sink were somewhat quaint in the beginning but are now thoroughly annoying.
10) there are too many windows.

so much to do

2005-03-19T06:48:56Z

i became an uncle again yesterday at 10 AM.

i am moving the bulk of my crap this weekend.

i wish that i had been documenting everything that my crazy landlord has been saying to me. i got a call from her at work the day before but it had to be transferred from someone inside the company because somehow she got throught to someone else there.

she said, "i scratched my cornea! i have to wear an eyepatch, i can't drive to drop off your mailbox key"

under the couch cushions

2005-03-17T05:13:24Z

i was rooting around in the cushions of this old couch last night that was left behind at the new apartment and i found a dvd shoved all the way down inside the couch, it was Slackers but when i opened it not only was there a copy of Slackers inside but Pirates of the Caribbean as well, that's like a two-fer, dude!

tonight inside the chair cushions i found the following: a nickel, a black polo shirt, a cigarette butt, a pen from some rehab hospital, a stick, some red game pieces, and the most intricate roach clip i have ever seen. there were probably some other things that i have forgotten at this point.

check out my new icon courtesy of L. Fury (genius) i know that you are all jealous!
it is in honor of my new landlord who i am convinced is completely out of her skull. every time i talk to her it's something new and totally off the wall. today i wanted to ask about the broken window panes and she started the conversation with, "i just poked myself in the eye!"

when i asked if there had been any pest problems at the apartment, she countered with a list of animals and insects but assured me that they were all outside. "oh, there was someone that complained about the Halloween Bugs", she said.
i said, "well, that sounds kind of fun"

Lori informs me that these are commonly referred to as "Elder Bugs", but that sounds too ominous and somewhat archaic, as if they were always trying to break through thresholds into our world and subjugate the human race.

it happened again

2005-03-11T05:05:20Z

why does the Yahoo! player insist on choosing all of these Don Henley songs.

random thought: i know the majority of the human race has already successfully achieved their biological directive and hooked up but do all of you have to spend so much bloody time talking about your significant others to the rest of us?

in other news, i have found the new job to be tolerable for the time being and i think i may have found an affordable and quite pleasant apartment.

yeah, maybe they burned up in a fire too

2005-03-05T16:52:03Z

i had to come down to Maryland this weekend to pack some stuff up and get ready for the move. i get in last night and i can't contact anybody so i went into town to get a burger and a beer. i sit at the bar and there's this middle-aged couple sitting next to me. so after a while, the woman turns and starts a conversation with me. we chatted for a while about Maryland and my new job and PA and her family and all that crap. she seemed about as normal as you can get which makes the next thing that happened all the more peculiar.

so i mentioned that i got down here and found the house empty and didn't know where my room-mates were and she says something along the lines of, "maybe someone broke in and hacked them to death with an axe"

so i said, "well, i haven't gone into the basement yet"

Franken-finger is dead!

2005-02-24T06:57:23Z

my finger underwent a rapid period of regeneration in next to no time and now seems well on the road to recovery. it seems to have completely closed up and now there's just a small dry scab and there may not even be a scar, a far cry from when it was a fresh incision. something that i hadn't noticed until recently however is that i had cut halfway across the nail, possibly almost splitting it. it's hard to tell whether i actually cut into it or just scored it as it's pretty high up near the quick.

ugh

2005-02-24T06:49:32Z

i was going to post but now i'm all tired and my nose is running, ...ugh. i think i caught a cold from my little nephew this weekend who is at that age where nothing seems to slow him down and it's exceedingly important to run at top speed from one room to the other and then back while shouting.

anyway, i took that job in PA and i start next week, Monday, the 28th. i'm taking the cats and staying with a friend for the next couple of weeks and hopefully Lori and Amy and i can go for dim sum at some point. Lori helped me look for apartments today and we found a few that i will be looking at on Friday.

and i heard last night at Lobster Nite that Hunter S. Thompson had committed suicide at some point over the weekend.

they’re beating plowshares into swords

2005-02-14T18:27:29Z

sometimes i feel like the events in my life are pre-scripted (and filmed in front of a live studio audience) yesterday morning i couldn't stop hearing Don Henley's "End of Innocence" in my head, i don't even like Don Henley. i turned on that Yahoo! radio thing (which i don't like using cause it makes the Colossus freeze up) to try and drown it out of my head but about five songs in Don Henley, "End of Innocence" came on and i know for a fact that i didn't flag Don Henley (or any of the Eagles for that matter) as one of the artists in the database.

and, of course, the Colossus chose that moment to freeze up on me.